Posted by: cg00n | April 25, 2008

April 22: Day of shock

A didn’t want to cope with school today – no big surprise.  I sent out email to many friends.  Replies were starting to filter in by evening.  Made appointment with family doctor for tomorrow noon to discuss interim measures.  Everyone still in shock; anxiety always hovering.  A did go to a piano lesson and I read extensively about melanoma, its progression, treatment etc..  P slept well tonight but I was very restless.

Back in 1994 I suffered a fairly serious depression with a good dose of anxiety for added joy.  I ended up taking 3 months leave of absence from work and was fortunate that the very first drug we tried (Prozac) did the trick for me without major side effects.  I have been taking Prozac ever since and it works well enough… until something really stressful happens.  Then the anxiety strikes again.  Needless to say the last couple of days have been plenty to get that going.

If you are not familiar with the way a serious anxiety attack feels, picture the scene near the beginning of Terminator 2.  It is a beautiful day in the park.  The sky is blue, there are little white puffy clouds, the birds are singing, the children are laughing as they play on the swings … and there is a distraught looking woman clawing at the chain-link fence screaming something urgent.  The background music is ominous.  You can see no reason to be afraid, and yet you get the very strong impression that something really bad is going to happen at any moment.  Your pulse is racing, you are gasping for breath, you feel paralyzed with fear and no one around you can figure out what the heck is wrong.  Not pretty, and certainly not conducive to coherent thinking and planning.

So, problem #1: figure out how to deal with the anxiety.



  1. I have panic attacks with specific triggers. The last I had–a series of them–was at the end of March in 2002. We were shortly to go into Iraq, and plunder one of the oldest areas of civilization there are, no matter what’s there now. I was a wreck for the better part of a week. Took Xanax until I felt stupid, and stopped.

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