Posted by: cg00n | April 26, 2008

A day of rest

Maybe it is just the good drugs or maybe the shock is wearing off, but today feels pretty calm.  I got some Instant Messaging software working and had a couple of quick chats with friends from far away.  P went off shopping, apparently feeling able to leave me alone (with only A to take care of me) for a few hours.  You’d think I was totally incapacitated:  I feel fine!  Well, with the exception of the incision on me heel which still seems a bit fragile I’m fine.  The only thing that feels different right now is that  perhaps I will not see the seasons change too many more times.  That is slightly weird, but it could happen any time due to an accident or whatever.

Mid afternoon another friend dropped in.  Kim was one of my father’s caregivers a year or so ago and she knows her way around the health care system in these parts quite well.  We had a very useful and generally encouraging chat.  She agrees that in the absolute worst case I have a year or so before I croak and that there is a good chance that the treatments will help.  Fairly soon she thinks we will be able to move beyond worst case planning and start thinking about life again.  Bring it on!  In passing she cautioned me about the anti-anxiety drugs:  she says anything that end with pam is quite likely to be quite addictive.  I’ll bear that in mind.  Tonight I’ll try half a pill and see if I can get through tomorrow without one.  Since they work more or less immediately I pretty much wait until I’m desperate before I pop one.

I’m thinking of forking out for an iPod.  It might be a great comfort to have a good selection of music and humour with me while I’m strapped to some bed of nails in a ghastly cancer treatment dungeon.  Not too long ago I finished collecting the Ton Koopman Complete Bach Cantatas series of CDs, something like 60 disks in all.  It would be a real bummer to run out of time to listen to them due to their bulk.

Nice to have a quiet, sociable day after all the excitement of the week.


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