Posted by: cg00n | September 13, 2008


The night before last I went to bed feeling a bit warm with rather tender skin.  I checked my temperature and it was fine but I awoke around 6:30am quite damp with perspiration.  I was wondering if that might happen since it did once before. It is interesting (perhaps) to note that on both this occasion and after my previous surgery this happened 9 days after the main event.  Same sort of problems with the crampy gut too, although rather less severe this time.  Anyway, having got that over with I am feeling a lot less woozy and tired during the day.  In fact I am feeling quite upbeat about life once more, enjoying my food and looking forward to the future with a high degree of certainty that there will be one.

My leg is giving me very little pain or discomfort and few problems besides.  I sometimes have to ask for help getting shoes and socks on and off and I certainly can’t kneel otherwise bend my knee too far but I am walking very nearly normally again.  With any luck and some co-operation from the weather I will be able to go out for some short walks this coming week.  No doctors’ appointments for a few weeks to come!

A good friend called today and did her best to depress me with bleak predictions of a coming dark age.  It didn’t work – this time 🙂



  1. Great news — each battle won brings one closer to victory.

  2. Well, I have read all of your blog entries, all of the responses from friends and well-wishers, gone to all of the links posted and I feel positively wrung out, but content and positive for your future. You do write a heck of a good blog.

    Couple of things I might contribute about my experience with depressions, having had 5 or 6 lengthy bouts of those plus some nasty experience with anxiety attacks and IBS. What I found most helpful, after all the medications and therapy (both hypno and talk) I could handle for the last 30 years, is that my Buddhist beliefs have stood me in good stead by allowing me to recognize when an untoward state was approaching and to simply let it go through me without hindrance. You can actually separate yourself from any state of mind and choose what place you allow your mind to go. On one level, you are suffering, and on another, you are watching without comment or judgment. This takes a lot of practice, to take your emotional pulse sooner and sooner and then just let it go. It also takes courage to allow yourself to suffer, keeping in mind that this is an impermanent state of mind, no matter how painful. This “watching” state of mind (mindfulness) is talked about in “Coming to Our Senses” by Jon Kabat-Zinn, who I heard speak about healing and mindfulness on CBC.

    As an artist and musician, I can also vouch for the wondrous things that can come about when you let yourself play in creativity. I would like to suggest that you try to put your hands and feet directly into the earth, or handle natural materials in your play. The earth has an amazing capacity for absorbing pain and toxins, and for soothing the deepest parts of yourself. I make pottery or sculpt in clay, or carve wood like one of your other friends suggested. You never have to show anyone, but the process is most comforting and regenerative.

    Congratulations on your courage and deep honesty. It was a privilege to read about your journey, and I send you lots of loving kindness to sleep on.

  3. Hedda’s comments about mindfulness reminds me of yet another book – which I found useful.

    “How to want what you have – discovering the magic and grandeur of ordinary existence” by Timothy Miller.

    I will get it to you.

  4. How lovely it is to be coming out of a down state only to encounter someone who apparently wants you to match their down state. Good for not having your usual reaction.

    Since I’m writing this 11 months after the posting, I’m not responding to the need for get well wishes that have already had their effect(s) long ago.

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