Posted by: cg00n | November 3, 2008

Up we go again

Stock markets recover and so, apparently, do I.  Rather than pre-judging these jittery periods as anxiety or depression I am trying to think of them (and feel them) as butterflies in the stomach.  It helps break the cycle of fearing my own fear.

I went to see the hypnotherapist again last Thursday and, as before, it was a very positive experience.  Ultimately I said I want to be able to laugh when there is some slight setback, as I would if I fell off my bike into a bush.  Then I can pick myself up, dust myself off and merrily go on my way.  I’m not there yet but there is progress.  The daemons look much less threatening than they did.

On the Friday P and I went to another mindfulness class where we practiced sitting and walking meditation.  As I was (slowly, mindfully) walking towards a window it suddenly occurred to me that anyone looking in would think we were an army of zombies in training for Halloween as we all stared straight ahead and walked, almost mechanically, at a snail’s pace back and forth across the room.  Such thoughts, let me tell you, do absolutely nothing to promote a peaceful and tranquil state of mind.  Fortunately I managed not to explode with laughter at this image, thus saving my fellow meditators from a traumatic experience.

We also took the opportunity to drop off a photo of the drainage from behind my knee so that the surgeon could see the progress.

leaking leg

leaking leg

Today (Monday) we got a call asking us to come in tomorrow afternoon.  This could be seen as mildly alarming:  what is wrong that requires an appointment a week early?  However, there are no obvious reasons to suspect anything too bad.  It’s not like I was told to head for the nearest emergency room.  Anyway, we have to go to see the psychiatrist tomorrow so we can combine the trips and have the added advantage of doing some mental preparation for whatever is to come.

In a few minutes I am off to the drug store to try on my brand new surgical stockings, a toe-to-thigh thing that is supposed to compress my damaged leg in order to limit fluid build-up.  I’m wondering if I should get a garter belt and high heels as well.  Not a pretty picture, I know, but laughing about it helps a lot.

Thanks again to all of you who have been in touch with words of comfort and support.  I love you all.



  1. Great to hear you are chuckling again, and sometimes having silent belly laughs.

    And the surgeon said …???

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