Posted by: cg00n | July 11, 2009

Definitely Depressed

I was feeling sad at the beginning of the week and by yesterday it was obvious that I’m having another episode of minor depression.  It really is pretty mild characterized by low-grade agitation, a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, lack of energy, rather somber thoughts about the future and the occasional panicky chill.  P says she is not surprised I am feeling a bit agitated knowing that the major surgery is coming up (still don’t know when but maybe in about a week) so perhaps that was the trigger.  The mindfulness practice helps but I still feel heavy and slow.

As a result I spent most of today doing as little as possible.  We had beautiful weather here today (a rare event) so I sat out on the balcony admiring the view, listening to the birds and enjoying the breeze.  Then I came in, did 40 minutes of meditation during which I almost fell asleep and then lay down on the bed where I semi-dozed for about two hours.  Depression, in general, tends to lift as the day wears on so by the time we’d eaten I was feeling almost restored.

If this episode follows the pattern of previous ones it should blow over RSN.  If it persists until the surgery takes place I will be very unhappy and if it goes on beyond that Serious Steps will need to be taken.   There are enough things dragging me down at present:  I really don’t need a persistent depression as well.  Actually I’ll be seeing Dr. C (the psychiatrist) on Thursday so that will give us an opportunity to review the situation.

In other news Mr. R.J of Calgary pointed out a rather interesting tidbit about Israeli scientists working on a melanoma vaccine.  There is always hope that my inevitable demise may yet be postponed by a few more years.  At least it may give me enough time to get my mind around the whole thing.

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