Posted by: cg00n | November 4, 2009

Now is the autumn of my content

It has been a glorious autumn season here, after a rather miserable summer.  This applies both to the weather and to my state of being.  My summer was spent worrying, having surgery, being unable to walk and recovering (mostly indoors).  However, the mindfulness and meditation I have been doing along with a new approach to some of the mind-numbing drugs has all proved very effective at improving my view of life.  I think I am much closer to a complete acceptance that my life has entered its autumnal phase.  Spring is but a distant memory and the glorious carefree times of summer are largely past (sorry:  that’s not in iambic pentameter; get over it) but I am not yet ready to concede that winter is on my doorstep.  Like the weather I am experiencing a very pleasant Indian summer which could go on for quite a while.

Autumn reflections on the river

A visit to Dr. G yesterday (see Doctors) brought only good news.  A recent CT scan was all clear, the wounds in my leg are healing well and there are no signs of any new lumps or bumps.  I am expecting to hear from Dr. R in the near future with a view to getting a few bits and pieces nuked which should be entertaining (A can’t wait to see if my leg will glow in the dark) and will probably entail a 5-day stay in the city for half-hour treatments each day.  Next week I’ll be talking to Dr. D and asking if there are any new chemo treatments that might be applied prophylactically but I’m expecting the answer to be ‘no’.

The worst news I could get from one of my many doctors would probably give me 9-12 months to live.  How would I spend the time?  Really there is not a whole lot of big stuff I want out of life any more.  I think I’d eat more shellfish, drink more beer, watch more TV and movies, listen to more music, read more books, sit and meditate in the sun (ideally on a rock near the ocean), ride my bike, tidy up my stuff (and give quite  a lot of it away) and take whatever drugs I need to calm myself without worrying about addiction.  If I think of anything more significant to occupy my time I’ll let you know.  Meanwhile there appears to be no cause for alarums and excursions.

A couple of odds and ends of news from the media:

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Responses

  1. So wonderful to see the improvement in your mood!
    I love your new attitude about drugs too! Have you checked out my latest email to your cuug address?

  2. I’ve just come across a neat quote of Carl Sagan’s:

    “In fact, almost dying is such a positive, character-building experience that I’d recommend it to everybody — except, of course, for the irreducible and essential element of risk.”

    Perhaps it should be counted a cultural benefit of modern medicine that it allows many more people to survive almost-dying, for longer.

    I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. Your approach to life is very educational; please don’t fear boring us by talking about being happy, if you’re so inclined.


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